Here we have it:

The Rules For Life:

• • 1. If it feels too good to be true, it generally is.

    2. Never eat or drink anything bigger than your head.

    3. Ugg boots are inside shoes only

    4. Never ask a question you might not like the answer to.

    5. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should 6. Just because you’re not required to, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t

    7. If he/she was high maintenance before you married them, surprisingly enough, they will remain that way after you’ve signed that piece of paper.

    8. Never eat the salad in Syria

    9. Sex does not equal love. Sex is a biological urge to breed and if done right, also a whole lot of fun.

    10. If you inadvertently have sex outside of a meaningful relationship (i.e.. as in rule #9) then congratulate yourself, enjoy the post coital glow and move on.

    11. Nerd…… it’s the new cool.

    12. If a man really wants it, he will come and get it.

    13. Train bar is brilliant.

    14. 3 Jaeger shots is 3 too many.

    15. Not knowing the language when you end up in a German hospital with a case of tonsillitis on a Sunday afternoon is not such a bad thing. Most situations in life can be dealt with using sign language and a blank look.

    16. If you are going to have a big Saturday night out with colleagues, a door on your office the next day is an absolute lifesaver.

    17. If you are over 18 and facebook friends with your Mum, it’s best to teach her exactly how it works.

    18. If you don’t have time for rule 17, then learn how to block her.. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her and what she thinks she knows, while hilarious, could cause undue excitement for no reason.

    19. Never ever put anything in writing or in digital form that you don’t want on the front page of the page tomorrow.

    20. (courtesy of judgy face) if you must lie about something involving rule 19, aim for something believable. Not hackers. Ever.

    21. Never ever leave your boss in a position where he/she has less information than his/her peers. This rule is non-negotiable in the instance that said boss is meeting with his/her boss. Result of failure to comply? A pineapple sideways........

    22. No matter how much you try to avoid it, there will always be one d*ck in your life for whom you are not good enough to consider as a potential partner, but who will expect you to act like one anyway.

    23. If you are searching for a joke gift on Amazon (e.g. star wars duvet cover, jedi dressing gown), make sure you are not logged in.
    
    
    Courtesy of Jae Lake, my fabulous, intelligent Australian friend.
    
    
    And yes, she really is FaaaaaaBulous!